On Motherhood...

So the inevitable Mother's Day is approaching on Sunday. I have never been a big fan of this holiday for personal reasons, but as a new mom, I felt I needed to TRY and embrace the holiday slowly but surely. Instead of focusing on what I don't have, I try and focus on all mothers and the amazing things they do everyday- the small, unnoticed, somewhat trivial and yet all too important tasks they do every single day.

When I was teaching (50+ hours a week) and going to school (24 credits a semester) and compleating my Montessori certification, I thought wow, I can't wait to be a stay at home mom- it'll be a cake walk next to this packed schedule I have.

I said that prior to having a child. My baby girl is sweet, easy going, and normally it's a breeze to go through day to day life with her (with minor adjustments)- it's a different story when she's teething. I will now declare this statement to the world- I have never been busier and my life has never been crazier than it is right now. I am certainly eating those words, thinking that being a stay at home mom would be less busy than my 80 hour work week.

As a mom, I can't call in sick (although my husband can). As a mom I HAVE to feed her, even when I don't feel well, I have to make sure my daughter's needs are taken care of. Yes I am aware that my needs are a priority and I have that in line, it's just a matter or you can't do what you want to do when you want to do it. And sometimes, you listen to whining...a lot of whining...and when your husband is sick, it's even more whining...

My house is never clean. Ever. I 'get on top of things' and I turn around and BAM- it's a disaster again...grrr...Yes my daughter is seven months old and can't make that much of mess, but yet it happens all the same.

So my eighty hour work week is now 24/7- just like all moms out there. I realize starting a business is hard to do, especially when you are moving and taking care of all the details is another full-time job altogether.

So as much as I typically do not enjoy this day(I usually ditch church this day...there I said it...yes bad mormon Lacie) it is STILL hard for me. But I am trying to become the best mother I possibly can be to my sweet little girl. But that gets me thinking...

Will I have the strength to let her learn from her own mistakes? Will I have the courage for her to face obstacles in the world? Will I have the discipline to make her work hard, and not spoil her, so she learns how to function in the world? For her to know joy, she'll have to learn pain- or will she be wise enough to learn from mistakes others have made? I want my daughter to grow up and be selfless, kind, smart, savvy, to marry a wonderful man, to know the joys and heartache of raising her own family, and most importantly to stay close to her Heavenly Father. The question is, do I have it in me to be this kind of mother? Losing a mother gives you a perspective that nothing else can compare to- and sadly, it's a lesson learned when it's too late.

I guess I'll take it day by day...

Being a mother stirs up all these crazy emotions inside me, especially this time of year. This is the first year I am viewing mother's day in a new light...to honor all those selfless women who sacrifice for others. For all of you lucky enough to have your mothers (even if you have dysfunctional and imperfect relationships) realize they are human, they make mistakes, and cherish and learn from them while you can.If your lucky enough, give your mom a hug, call her on the phone. I hope all women, those who give to others selflessly, enjoy thier mother's day...