Saturday, May 23, 2009

Waiting Game...

So, Hailyn has to go in for more testing next week and an ultrasound to make sure her kidneys are working properly. I am chalking it up to they want to make extra certain my little girl is 'perfect'. I think she's fine- and I've learned to harness and listen to my 'mommy gut'. It's usually right on (I think the Spirit may have an influence on that as well).

So my life consists of dealing with ridiculous people, fixing thier mistakes (trained 'professionals-whatever!) and dealing with a possible move, possible career changes, and writing like a mad woman and navigating 'motherhood'. The 'uncertain' path that is ahead of us in the next couple of months was driving me a little crazy- I am a planner to the "T" and this 'maybe this will happen or maybe that will happen' is DEFINATELY a test for me. I like to plan my life down to the last detail, and I am constantly being reminded that Heavenly Father has His own plan for me so I need to quit being so stubborn and go with the flow (which is why I think Ryan and I ended up together- he is my ying to my yang). In my defense, I have been the only one to look out for me in my life- so I don't know any different, and I'm proud of the 'progress' I've made in being more 'flexible' with life plans. (I'm certain I'm not alone here) life never really turns out the way you plan it to-and for a good reason. God's plan is always better.

So my life is like a giant waiting game right now...and surprisingly I'm ok with that! So that's our deal right now...neither of us has a clue! HA! Life sure is grand though...

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Seven is Heaven!

Wow! I've been so busy I spaced talking about my little angel. Hailyn is now seven months old- and we celebrated Mother's Day the same weekend- awesome! So on Hailyn's six month mark she cut her first tooth- on her seventh month mark- here's number two! She has her two bottom teeth and we think she'll be getting more soon- the ridges are ready- my little teething monster!

So Hailyn sits up by herself but not for too long...she scoots forwards and backwards but has for a while...but she gets her legs underneath her and gets mad because she gets stuck. It's pretty cute. I actually wonder if she'll crawl at all, she may just start walking (like me- I did the same thing!) so we'll see what happens- she loves to scoot backwards in church underneath the chairs in front of us whgile trying to reach forward and touch my toes
(she loves the bright colors I paint them- she usually has a matching color- mommy daughter pedicures!)

Aside from teething, she is the sweetest, easiest baby ever! She is so sweet and LOVES people- and her laugh absolutely melts my heart. She has her daddy's smile and my mother's eyes, and she has my feet. I think she'll be a dancer too, like me- she's tall and skinny and likes to move her body!

She has eaten rice cereal, oatmeal (which she likes better than rice cereal), pears, peaches, apricots, green beans (which she did not like too well) sweet potatoes, applesauce, carrots, bananas, banana pudding and she really likes Dr. Pepper (he he- she's only had a sip of it and she liked it a lot-yeah we know good parenting) We are going to introduce the sippy cup soon and juice (I don't want to rush things) probably this week.

She is a daddy's girl for sure! She's been feeling crummy this week with teething and once daddy gets home, immediately she goes to him, the sit on the couch and cuddle and she's content there in her daddy's arms. I love seeing them together, Ryan is such a good father...and Hailyn sure loves him (and so do I;) She says dadadada all the time- except when she isn't feeling well and then she says mamamama- we just love her to pieces...

I need to better about writing things down- time is going by so fast! I also need to be better about uploading pictures...I'll work on it!

Scary Mama Drama

Soooooo Hailyn's been running a fever with teething- no sweat, Motrin, Orajel, the works and ride it out right?

Well, today when I got Hailyn up from her nap she was blue, and shivering- I pick her up and she's burning hot. I knew in my gut this was more than teething. I give her a swig of Motrin, grab my diaper bag (note I didn't PACK the diaper bag I just grabbed it!)

I RUSH her to the doctor- I mean RUSH her- Ryan is working on a friend's house and didn't take his phone. I call my sweet mother in law and she meets me at the doctor.

Her first words: She doesn't look good hon.

I know! I'm SHAKING I'm so scared- the whole car ride over I am worried because I don't hear a peep out of her. Ryan's mom calls Ryan's dad and he drives over to where Ryan is to go get him ( I LOOOOOVE my in laws!!!!) I check her in and I'm trying not to break down and Ryan's mom is comforting her.

Because of her high fever she is seen IMMEDATELY- no wait at all. 103.8 AFTER the Motrin- ahhh! So we go to see the doctor and I'm expecting to hear ear infection or ear ache. Nothing. They need to run tests. They will do a urine test (which means putting a catehter in my tiny baby girl) to see if it's a kideny problem and if not, they'll do an X-Ray- if nothing comes up then it's off to the peds ER. I am trying not to cry. Hailyn is doing enough crying for the both of us. I go to prepare a bottle- I have ONE formula packet and NO water- note I didn't PACK the diaper bag- I get ahold of Ryan and he brings some more formula. After the urine test we found out Hailyn has a kidney issue- we're trying out a certain medication and if that doesn't work we'll re-assess her treatment- and thankfully we caught it early (we hope).

Fortunately my home teacher is our pharmacist (and we LOVE him) and when I went to pick up meds, he filled it for her immediately (and he wasn't even supposed to be working today- tender mercy I think) and he's coming to visit us tomorrow! It's nice to have him a phone call and a street away.

So now we are in for a long couple of nights- we hope this medicine fixes her kidney problem...I need to take her to the pediatrician next week.

I am exhausted, and tired, and praying my sweet little girl feels better soon.

I NEVER want to see that again...but I know it's only the start with the mama worries...

Monday, May 11, 2009

Lucy- you've got some 'splanin' to do!

As many of you know, I am an "I Love Lucy" fan. I admire how Lucille Ball was one of the first 'women comedianne' pioneers of her time, with a classic comedy show in the fifties.

I always laughed at the 'innocence' of that time. Lucy and Ricky, for example, slept in seperate beds.

I know think this is a revolutionary and brilliant idea.

We recenlty purchased new satin sheets (70% off! woohoo!) so excited about the steal of a deal and the fact that our lovely Eyptian Cotten sheets had a huge tear in them, I was excited to try out the sheets and get a fabulous (and much needed) night of sleep. *This also stems from the fact that I have battle with a good night sleep as it is almost every night-not because of my daughter who normally sleeps really well, but because I've struggled for years

So my hubby suddenly decides he LOVES to hog all the sheets. This left me freezing cold last night. I got maybe four hours of sleep last night.

Maybe Ricky and Lucy (Ryan and Lacie- gotta love alliteration!) were on to something. Perhaps thier arrangmenet wasn't about propriety, but the fact that Ricky hogged the sheets and Lucy was tired of being freezing cold. She was a pioneer for women comedians, why not a revolutionary idea of seperate sheets. Maybe Lucy was ahead of her time, she probably got tired of being cold.

Once Ryan left for work I tried to get more sleep, but once it's light out forget about it.

Now I've got to decide, keep the sheets that were a steal-and he loves (even though my hubby wraps himself in them, leaving me to shiver) or look for a more shareable alternative. I LOOOOOOVE my hubby, and I won't resort to seperate beds, but I can see the appeal (from a shivering in the night perpective).
Ohhhh what to do?

Friday, May 8, 2009

On Motherhood...

So the inevitable Mother's Day is approaching on Sunday. I have never been a big fan of this holiday for personal reasons, but as a new mom, I felt I needed to TRY and embrace the holiday slowly but surely. Instead of focusing on what I don't have, I try and focus on all mothers and the amazing things they do everyday- the small, unnoticed, somewhat trivial and yet all too important tasks they do every single day.

When I was teaching (50+ hours a week) and going to school (24 credits a semester) and compleating my Montessori certification, I thought wow, I can't wait to be a stay at home mom- it'll be a cake walk next to this packed schedule I have.

I said that prior to having a child. My baby girl is sweet, easy going, and normally it's a breeze to go through day to day life with her (with minor adjustments)- it's a different story when she's teething. I will now declare this statement to the world- I have never been busier and my life has never been crazier than it is right now. I am certainly eating those words, thinking that being a stay at home mom would be less busy than my 80 hour work week.

As a mom, I can't call in sick (although my husband can). As a mom I HAVE to feed her, even when I don't feel well, I have to make sure my daughter's needs are taken care of. Yes I am aware that my needs are a priority and I have that in line, it's just a matter or you can't do what you want to do when you want to do it. And sometimes, you listen to whining...a lot of whining...and when your husband is sick, it's even more whining...

My house is never clean. Ever. I 'get on top of things' and I turn around and BAM- it's a disaster again...grrr...Yes my daughter is seven months old and can't make that much of mess, but yet it happens all the same.

So my eighty hour work week is now 24/7- just like all moms out there. I realize starting a business is hard to do, especially when you are moving and taking care of all the details is another full-time job altogether.

So as much as I typically do not enjoy this day(I usually ditch church this day...there I said it...yes bad mormon Lacie) it is STILL hard for me. But I am trying to become the best mother I possibly can be to my sweet little girl. But that gets me thinking...

Will I have the strength to let her learn from her own mistakes? Will I have the courage for her to face obstacles in the world? Will I have the discipline to make her work hard, and not spoil her, so she learns how to function in the world? For her to know joy, she'll have to learn pain- or will she be wise enough to learn from mistakes others have made? I want my daughter to grow up and be selfless, kind, smart, savvy, to marry a wonderful man, to know the joys and heartache of raising her own family, and most importantly to stay close to her Heavenly Father. The question is, do I have it in me to be this kind of mother? Losing a mother gives you a perspective that nothing else can compare to- and sadly, it's a lesson learned when it's too late.

I guess I'll take it day by day...

Being a mother stirs up all these crazy emotions inside me, especially this time of year. This is the first year I am viewing mother's day in a new honor all those selfless women who sacrifice for others. For all of you lucky enough to have your mothers (even if you have dysfunctional and imperfect relationships) realize they are human, they make mistakes, and cherish and learn from them while you can.If your lucky enough, give your mom a hug, call her on the phone. I hope all women, those who give to others selflessly, enjoy thier mother's day...